How to help someone who is experiencing depression

Depression is a common mental health condition that can affect anyone.

The American Psychiatric Association estimates that one in six people is likely to experience depression in their lifetime. People with depression often feel sad and lose interest in things they enjoy.  

It can be difficult to know what to do when you think a loved one is experiencing depression. You may worry about saying the wrong thing. But it can help to gently start a conversation with your loved one and to encourage them to get help. With the right help and support, your friend or family member can go back to enjoying their life. 

Signs of depression

Different people will experience depression differently. But there are some common signs you can look out for in your friends and family members. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) says that the signs of depression can include:

• often feeling hopeless or pessimistic, sad, anxious, or empty 
• feeling frustrated, restless, angry, or irritable
• losing interest or pleasure in things that used to be enjoyable 
• having less energy or feeling more tired and having trouble sleeping or sleeping more
• having trouble concentrating, making decisions, or remembering things
• eating more or less than usual or experiencing weight changes
• experiencing physical pains, headaches, digestive issues, or other physical issues 

If your friend or family member is experiencing depression, you may see several of the signs above or only one or two of these signs. It can also be helpful to look out for changes in your loved one’s behavior. The NIMH says that some changes you may notice in someone experiencing depression could include: 

• more alcohol or drug use than usual 
• withdrawing from friends and family 
• issues with sexual drive or sexual activities 
• more impulsive or risk-taking behavior
• not meeting work or home responsibilities
• becoming negative or detached

Starting a conversation 

If you think that a loved one is experiencing depression, it is important that you talk with them about what you have noticed. You can start this conversation by sharing your worries and offering support to your friend or family member. You can then gently encourage them to share how they are feeling or what is on their mind. You may want to say: 

• “I’ve noticed that you haven’t been yourself lately. Is there anything going on that you would like to talk about?” 
• “You’ve seemed down recently. I just wanted to check if anything has been worrying you.”

You can let your loved one know that you care about them and are there to support them.

Non-judgmental listening 

Once you’ve started a conversation with your loved one, you can support them by listening to what they share. You can help them feel comfortable by: 

• asking them open questions to get more information about how they are feeling and what they are going through 
• showing empathy and care for what they are sharing through what you say and how you interact
• validating what they are going through and how they are feeling

As depression often makes people isolate themselves, the NIMH suggests that you can also help someone you think may have depression by inviting them to do more social things. You can also message or call your loved one regularly.

What to avoid 

In your conversations with your loved one, it can help to avoid: 

• Trying to offer advice on how to treat depression or trying to fix your loved one: It can be unhelpful to say things like “just cheer up” or “you have so much to be grateful for” to your loved one. Depression often needs medical treatment, and you can instead encourage your loved one to seek help from a professional. 
• Making the conversation about you and your experiences: Try to keep the focus on your loved one and their needs. 
• Trying to guess how your friend or family member may be feeling: Instead, you can ask open questions to allow them to share how they are feeling. 

Seeking professional help

You can help someone who may have depression by encouraging them to get help from a healthcare professional. Research has found that many people who experience depression, particularly adolescents, are unlikely to seek professional help on their own, so it can be helpful to encourage them to do so.

It is important that you do not try and diagnose or advise your loved one. Instead, support them in seeking professional help as soon as possible. You could encourage them to get professional help by: 

• helping them to book and attend appointments with a doctor or therapist 
• suggesting names or contact details of therapists or doctors 
• offering them hope that they can feel better if they seek out help 

If your loved one expresses any suicidal thoughts or feelings, you or they should contact a healthcare professional immediately. You or they can also call 911 or call or text the Suicide or Crisis Lifeline on 988.

Treatment options 

Your job is not to advise your loved one on how to treat their depression. You can, however, give your friend or family member hope for recovery. You can reassure your loved one that there are effective treatments available for depression. The treatment options available to your loved one may include: 

• Antidepressant medication: There are different types of antidepressants that a professional may prescribe, such as sertraline (Zoloft), fluoxetine (Prozac), and venlafaxine (Effexor). 

• Talking therapies: Talk therapy can help to improve mood and treat depression. The NIMH suggests that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), interpersonal therapy (IPT), and problem-solving therapy are all effective treatments for depression.

• Natural options: Natural options like exercise or meditation can also be helpful for improving mood. 

You should suggest that anyone living with depression speaks with a healthcare professional to find the right treatment option for them. 

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Summary 

You can be a great help to a loved one going through depression just by giving them a space safe to share their feelings. It can also help to encourage your loved one to access professional help. With the right treatment, your loved one can feel better and go back to enjoying their life.

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